July : Should do list

Return $110 to sis
Buy my books ($280)
Buy a white shirt
Watch Inception & Despicable Me!
Dinner w the bestijfriends
Move into Sheares
Find a tuition assignment


So, #1 and #2 will be done tomorrow. #3 is doneeeee cos i just got it yesterday. On track for #4, watching Inception tomorrow, possibly DM the next! #5 is tomorrow too! haha. #6 should be for august. andddd need to call eileen in the morning. hmm i'm crossing my fingers.

as for deeper things to do, like get over my self-pitying state that i'm still in since idk when, i believe its never gonna go away. its something that's just a part of me. i dont think i can ever get out of it. steph and joanne were telling me yesterday that i'm finally back. haha. such blunt words, but i get you. i know i lost myself in the last 2 years, and maybe there's a hint of the person i once was coming back. but that naivety i hope is gone. the youthfulness is gone too. the cheeriness if any is nowhere to be seen. what's left is maybe a decency that is slowly returning, like a lost sheep returning to its owner. i'm not the shepherd. but right now, "God's plan" is way beyond what i can grasp. those are empty words now. i feel childish that it appears to others this is a reection of faith.

to my friends who are/were concerned (like S and J) : fret not it's not life-threatening, but it's chronic. the signs of recovery are mere signs, though i prefer to see them as symptoms. symptoms of an overactive mind. so while possibly I'm getting back, its not the same. it's never the same is it? besides, its too late to me to "be back". too late for regrets, too late for life-changing decisions, too late for choices, too late to be who i could have been, too late to know better and do better. The US asked N.K to stall their "provocative words" and show some action. So enough words now, (the weather's pretty) good (to) night.