Realisations

And it came to me then that every plan was a prayer to father time.

Many realisations came to me over the course of the week that just passed. Like how the statement above speaks some truth, at least to me. How nowadays i'm caught up with thinking what could have been and secretly but very stupidly wishing/praying for time travel to be possible and to be able to turn back time. or have a bit more time. but that's a prayer that's buried pretty deep now.

then, also, something about what i've witnessed about people and the schools they're from, or maybe its from my current disposition that made me more acute to such subtle actions and, more importantly, intentions. in a good way of course. and i'm happy to discover this.

then there was this conversation with fabian last night about what kind of superpowers that reveals how hung up i am about time travel, even after months of mood swings and a state of despair, and the ominous truth that i know is all around me. but maybe denial is a good coping mechanism, cos i'm still living. then again, i have no choice. i cannot consider other options. there is no option b.

hmm, and it came to me that being able to just hang out with my friends/friend feels free-ing. like how i used to think going out one-on-one with any of my friends might be awkward, but it no longer is, and that comfort with each other, however close, and the comfort with ourselves as well, is a joy. i'm glad for the turn of events the past 1.5 months, in a warped way i guess. haha.

now for the JESSICA ALBA BODY PROGRAMME. i shall psycho myself. need to do this in prep for school in lieu of the possible weight gain. thus DAY 1 begins tomorrow. sure fail laaa, but positive thinking doesn't hurt once in a while. ("