state of confusion

i was confused abt my feelings for nothing. )): and ((: sad that i had to be w\so worried for NOTHING. and happy that my feelings are sorted out i guess. haiz. i feel a certain heaviness in my heart. does truth always hurt? even if its a good truth that shouldnt hurt. i think so. i feel that way too. sigh. maybe i should never have got involved so deeply, so not i think im feeling the pain from the truth, but in actual fact im not. anyway, X needs to solve X's own problem first, which i think X will. ((: good luck! i know u can do it- u can make things work out alright. (: best friends forever yeah? (:

anyway I CANT WAIT FOR MY CA PAPERS!!!!!!!!! woohoo. i know thati may not get that good results, but hey! surely, after ur exams, u will want to get back ur results right? nomatterwhat, there will be an element of excitement! yay! ((: happy me. but at the same time, i feel that im holding on to a breath. and i cant seem to let it out. its made of a compilation of all kinds of different problems, all twirled and twisted into one such that one cannot be differentiated with the other. i feel like im being chewed from within, with the addition of every other small problem, im becoming more hollow and less whole. ):

WHAT AM I TO DO?!?

help me someone(maybe X?), relieve me of all these problems. but like i just mentioned- all the problems are presented as one whole that seems more like a monstrous freak to me, than a pile of problems. OH. lamentations, all kinds of lamentations we humans make. but alas! WE ARE BUT HUMANS. THERE HAS BEEN NOTHING WE, as imperfect humans, CAN DO TO STOP THIS NEVER-ENDING FLOW OF PROBLEMS AND.
and we can only suffer. we can only carry our own cross, and this will prepare us for our ultimate ecstasy and happiness we shall enjoy in heaven. of course, if u go to heaven, that is.
sometimes i just feel like crying to HIM, " Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?"
but of course- i have no right to say that. cos im imperfect, im with flaws- i probably look like a dirty rag that everyone shall despise except GOD and JESUS and MOTHER MARY> (: that makes me a little happie. for at least i gain a bit of acceptance from them. and that fills me with a little peace. but i have so many problems now- but i cant put them into words. i just cant seem to put my fingers into it? i dunno. OH LORD. please dont leave me here, alone. please take me to where i shall find an inner peace.