period purging

if menstruation was like a purging of all the disgusting stuff and evil in my physical body, if the very act of bleeding is akin to cleansing of all the toxins and disease and bloatedness and possible liver disease or what not from within me, ill gladly have my period and be happy about it. but now, all im doing is feel depressed about my fucking bloated stomach and be sad about it and try to be happy still and try to do work and try to study when all i can think of is my stupid stupid stomach. if it was the fever that caused this, the 38.8 degrees Celsius fever that caused this shit, i curse the very virus/whatever shit that resulted in my feverish condition last tuesday. i curse the person who gave it to me, and i know i sound childish and vengeful and nonsensical but i dont care cos im really hating my current state of physical being. i dont say wellbeing because im not well and i dont say health because im not healthy at this point. what if i dont get well? maybe ill just roll up in a ball and die. i refuse to put a smiley face here because im not trying to make a point or anything, nor am i going to try to make this seem lighthearted because this is not a lighthearted post.